My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
