Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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