apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
