I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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