This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
