Plan B is the new Plan A
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
