They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
