I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize