Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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