My pussy is not your playground.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
