Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
