I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
