I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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