the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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