Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
