so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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