just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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