i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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