Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
