His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
