my mouth tastes like poor choices
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
