thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
