Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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