...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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