would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
