the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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