just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
