you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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