wrigley field is MILF paradise
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
