Nicole vs. Life
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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