My sheets look like a crime scene.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
