Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize