So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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