I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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