Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
