speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
