dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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