Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
