You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
