i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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