So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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