Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize