actually, I'm a sock model
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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