Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
how drunk are you?
Several
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
