ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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