did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I accidentally had phone sex last night
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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