A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
