u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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