dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
