i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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