I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
