I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
