is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
