my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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