yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
home. puking in laundry basket.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
