I'm drive I can fine osifer
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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