Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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