It's like God shit irony all over that family
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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