wanna go halves on a baby?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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