I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
