She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
