Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
