it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
