He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
