i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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