Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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