I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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