He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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