If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize