Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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