need another drink. this is the easiest way
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
