so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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