I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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