i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
