i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
